Monday, October 1, 2012

And So It Begins

So, it may seem cliche to start a blog - everyone has one or knows someone who does.  I myself follow many blogs, mostly of people I don't even know.  One blog links to the next and before I know it, I'm doing a daily check-in on these people's lives (or lies depending on which blog it is).  And that right there is sometimes the draw.  Some of these blogs are like car crashes - you just can't look away.  I'm not referring to the horribly tragic, real-life medical blogs of people suffering but the ones of people who have designed their own destiny based on lies and untruths and it's all coming to a head.  Those seem to attract the most traffic and I am guilty of contributing to that.

All that being said, I've never been one to keep a journal.  I admittedly spend more time on the internet than I would probably like and so it only seems natural to get on here and maybe just let out some of the stuff I can't say in real life.  Hence the title relating to OCD.  I have so many thoughts and thought processes that I'm afraid people simply won't understand but that I have to wrangle on a daily basis.  Maybe if I can get them down in black and white (or whatever colour font I choose) I won't feel like what I'm thinking is really all that off base.  Or maybe I'll look back and think I'm cuckoo!  In that case, hopefully no one I know in real life is going to stumble on this blog.

And that's just it; for all I know, no one but myself is ever going to read this.  I'm not starting this to create some sort of mass following that many others do.  I've seen the hate sites that go hand-in-hand with even the most innocent and purist of blogs.  I want nothing to do with that - I'm too sensitive for that kind of thing.  Now if people read here and can relate and want to share that, I'm open.  If it's just an online journal for me, so be it.  I think too it'll be a good way to document my children growing up and their achievements and milestones.  Of course with the firstborn, everything was written down on the day he did it.  With number two, I'm lucky if I remember which month milestones were reached.  However, I do still take an exorbitant number of photos of both of them!  Maybe I'll post some one day.  Maybe I won't.  There's some crazy and creepy people out there on the interwebs.

I think I'm also hoping that this blog will keep me accountable as I embark on the journey to becoming healthy.  I can't even honestly say healthier.  I'm one of the lucky ones who's NEVER had to worry about what I ate or how much of it.  Just naturally thin I guess with a great metabolism.  Well, two kids later and I'm not so lucky anymore.  And even beyond that, I don't want to teach my children the horrible habits with regards to food that I have.  So today is also day one of making some changes.  Probably slowly but surely but that's better than nothing.

For instance, no caffeine today.  Yup, my head hurts and I was really tired (and probably a shit parent at times because of it).  I did my best to eat a little better but temptation finally got the best of me just about an hour ago.  Chocolate milk (wait, does cocoa have caffeine?), perogies with ranch dressing, and a couple (okay a few) spoonfuls of chocolate icing.  Do you see what I mean?  Nothing healthy there but that's been typical for years upon years upon years.  Old habits are going to die hard.  But I want to do this.  I need to do this.  I need to set a great example for my kids and quite frankly, I need to be here for my kids as long as I can.  I'm tired much of the time and although I'll prod through a day, is that really what I should be doing?  Of course it isn't - they deserve so much better!  They may get out, they may play, they do get read to and cuddled but I need to be less snappy/moody/irritable.  For goodness sake - I'm battling with a two year old!  Yeah, because any adult has EVER won those battles.

Hmm, somehow this went from OCD to other things.  I guess I'll get into the OCD issues later.  We'll see how this blogging thing goes.  Already it's feeling kinda therapeutic.

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